As Told By Drake: My First Love

And I thought I found the girl of my dreams at concert (mm-mm).Not quite but it was close. Stepped to her like  I need a one dance got a Rum and Coke in my hand. Got out of the moshpit and chatted for a bit. Spit game like “Uh, say baby I had to mention that if you were a star you’d be the one I’m searching for. Other girls they, they got attention but I just always feel like they’ re in need of something you got”  We chat for a bit and All I see is fireworks, exchange numbers and part ways. But 2 in the morning my mind is on you, 4 in the morning it still hasn’t moved. Text her “Trying to take you out girl, hope you’re not too busy

Weeks later we continue to go on dates. I got my eyes on you, you’re  everything that I see, I want your hot love and emotion endlessly. We get to know each other more  and you fancy, huh. you don’t do it for the man, men never notice. You just do it for yourself you’re the fucking coldest. Intelligent too, ooh you’re my sweetheart and look, I really think that nobody does it better I love the way you put it together. Look, I want you to myself, so we make it official because I was fully whipped. Anytime we go anywhere
I’m like I feel like when you move, the time doesn’t and you would have my heart beating double time. You just shut it down girl. Who told the cops where the party was? Why do I feel like I found the one? Damn, I mean you sure know how to paint a town. I tell her Baby, you my everything, you all I ever wanted, we could do it real big, bigger than you ever done it. I want this forever, I swear I can spend whatever on it ‘Cause she hold me down every time I hit her up You the best I ever had. And then that last week after exams, She just wanna run around the city and make memories that I will always remember and I’d allow her, talk about pussy power

Then summer, away from each other for 3 months and I’d rather be with you, but you are not around but I tell myself I bet if I give all my love then nothing’s gonna tear us apart. Term resumes and we finally see each other. Everything should feel the same but it feels different.Yeah I just hope that you miss me a little when I’m gone  and you just tell me what you down for, anything you down for.  I know things have changed, know I used to be around more but you should miss a little when I’m goneI haven’t slept in days and me and my latest girl agreed. Passive aggressive sometimes when we’re texting, I feel the distance. And navigating adult life wasn’t easy for me either to add to that. Feelin’ so distant from everyone I’ve known. To make everybody happy I think I would need a clone. At work, I’m reminded daily of how much I need to improve  My competition, it’s beyond offensive. I’m in it for the glory, not the honor mentionLook, fuck all that “Happy to be here” shit They always tell me: “Nobody’s workin’ as hard as you.” and even though I laugh it off, man, it’s probably true but not recently.I don’t give you the time, you deserve from me. This is something I know, I know, I know. We have a call later when she calls we out about comms, truth is that period was superhectic for me at work and she was on uni holiday. I say I will do better so I decide to make a strong push to try to do more active comms God knows I’m trying for you
God knows I’m trying. 
Passionate from miles away and active with the things I say

I keep thinking to my self Is this gonna last? The girl or the world? They say someone gotta lose, I thought that I can have it all, do I really got to choose? I remember when my schedule was as flexible as she is. She call and tell me be here before the sun up. I be dressed before we hung up. I try not to think about it too much, too much, too much, too much. We see that weekend and it’s amazing and I think to myself You’re still the one that I adore. Ain’t much out there to have feelings for. In a convo she mentions something that indicates she might see me even less than last time and all the doubts resurface. She sees it in my face and I try to tell her I don’t want to see even less of her. She tells me You got something to say then say that thenThese are usually just some thoughts That I would share with myself but I thought “Fuck it”, it’s worth it to share ’em

Takes a left turn and suddenly I’m having the last conversation I wanted to have with her. I’m like Oh, please give me time cause I’m searchin’ for these words to say to you right nowTension between us just like picket fences. You got issues that I won’t mention for now ’Cause we’re fallin’ apartWish I had the courage to say everything I planned to my girlfriend. Tell me that we ‘posed to be together ’til the world end but, I don’t really feel that way about her anymore so I don’t think I want to fight for it the way she wants to. I unfairly tell her to give me some time to think about it. She sends me a text in the morning, She said you’re my everything, I love you through everything, I done did everything to her. She forgave me for everything, this a forever thing. Hate that I treat it like it’s a whatever thing. Trust me girl, this shit is everything to me. She calls me that night and I was going to break it off, but she was going out that night so I didn’t wanna ruin it that was where I fucked up. Doing is one thing, doing it right is a whole different story and I bottled it by staying on the call and trying to duck the question and push it to what I felt was a more convenient time.Talk if you need to, but I can’t stay to hear you. That’s the wrong thing to do Cause you’ll say you love me, and I’ll end up lying and say I love you, too. I eventually make her force it out of my mouth when she asks me do you want to break up. Hardest choice I ever had to make but I told her It’s over, I’ve been doing this wrong, I’ve been here for too long. I’m leaving, I’m leaving, you know I got my reasons. I don’t wanna sit at home, I gotta get where I’m going. I know I’ma be alone, I know I’m out on my ownI do a lot of things hoping I never have to fit in so try to keep up with my progress, it’s like a dead-end so I know as much as she wants to, she can’t help me My girl love me, but fuck it, my heart beats slow and life change for us every single week,  It’s good, but I know this ain’t the peak though 

And now you hate me, stop pretendin’, stop that frontin’, I can’t take it All, on me, I don’t deserve it but you know how much I wanted to make it. It’s probably better anyhow. I go back toWorking, working, working, working, don’t have no time to lay up, just trying to be somebody ‘Fore you say I need somebody, get all My affairs in order. She said some hurtful things to me and each one was like a dagger to my heart. That was not the ending our love deserved, I contemplated calling her the night after but she hadn’t replied to my text so I took that as a no thanks. She eventually called me back, we had a mature discussion. She asked Uh, when did you get like this? Least you coulda done is gone and give me a warning but even I didn’t see it coming this soon tbh, thought we make Valentine’s at least. We talked for a bit Still findin’ myself, let alone a soulmate, I’m just sayin’. Feel like we one and the same, our relationship changed, that or it never existed. Why are we wasting our relationship on a relationship?
Why are we rushing and forcing it?—this isn’t making sense
. I tell her I’m spending time just taking care of me right now cause you’d be tired of taking care of me by now. You always told me It’s a marathon, not a sprint, but I still gotta win the race, yeah and relationships slowin’ me down, they slow down the vision. Guess I’m not in a position to deal with commitment. I had to let go of us to show myself what I could do

And as for you, I think I know you’re the closest I’ve come to love. Girl don’t treat me like a stranger. Said she was gonna unblock me from her FB, gonna give her her space and not refriend her. Don’t know where we stand, I used to hit you ’bout everything Are we still good? Are we still good? But When a good thing goes bad it’s not the end of the world, it’s just the end of a world that you had with one special person.

 

Next one will be a deeper/funny one

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Indennità

The new sheriff in town in my division had taken a survey way before we started, and on the first day of training, one of the first emails I received was the top findings from that survey. Casual dress, curved monitors and competitive rates. Casual dress code came first, I was a big fan of this because I hadn’t bought new work clothes like I had planned to. Next came the curved monitors and honestly I can’t remember what life was like before getting them. Who would have known something so seemingly trivial could be so important. Loved the monitors so much, I wanted to get one for my house till I saw the price, still triggered.

The next was competitive rates, the smoke to the fire started to come when the new summer intake were sent their offers. The subject of many-a-gists was whether everyone else would see a similar rise. I still don’t know whether everyone got a jump as stark as ours. Different things from different people from different grapevines. Today was the D-Day

I got called into the room by my manager’s manager and he started by telling me the bonus. Honestly, my pokerface was so strong because I was so startled by the amount. I was not expecting that at all at all. Like I’m still in shock. Next he told me what my new annual salary would be. That would have floored me if not for the fact I was sat down. Business must have been boomin’ this year. If I only cared about money, I would say I’m half as big as I once was 😉

Anyways, I am still shocked. S/o to my Oga at the top. The taxman has not come to take his pound of flesh though. Just thought I’d write down how I feel now while it’s still fresh. The challenge now is to maintain my current level of spending. I say as I throw away my cold left over white rice and stew and plantain(tbh I forgot to put it in the fridge) and instead eat a celebratory Domino’s.

This the biggest day of my life
We got big guns, been graduated from knives
It’s the day in the life and I’m ready to ride
Got the spirit, I’m feelin like a killer inside
Financial outbreak, I’m free but I ain’t out yet
Ridin with the plug so I’m close to the outlet
At the red light, rims sittin off set
I look better on your girl than her outfit

-2 Chainz

UPDATE: Called my parents to tell them the news and my Mum mentioned Tithe lmao and my dad jokingly called her a “spoiled sport” haha. They’ve been trying to get me to do it since I started

Ranking Mohits

It’s New Years Day and I’ve just come back from crossover service. Because I forgot to et an inflatable bed and my bro has like 71 laptops on his double bed, I’m couch crashing while my parents are here. My dad is on his phone on the couch as I type now (I swear our parents use their phones more than us [Whatsapp Mostly] but that’s a story for another day). Anyways, not in the mood to write a reflective post so I thought I’d do something else. The TATI BILLION concert was a few days back (again, a stypry for another day but a quick Twitter search will tell you the full story)

LAST PLACE: K-Switch

Anyways, the highlight of the concert was the Mohitz reunion. Which beckons the question: How do you rank the Mohitz members. Now I have no idea how this will end as I type this tbh. Last is obviously K-Switch, who is better known as D’Banj’s (apostophes here are weird) than anything else. At least he gave us Sister Caro, so he at least has one banger to his name.

DIDN’T MAKE THE PODIUM: Dr.Sid vs D’Prince

D’Prince vs Dr. Sid. My initial thoughts would say D’Prince  because he seemed to be up next after D’Banj and Wande even though Sid managed to drop his Mohitz album Turning Point  but Omoba album never materialised. Digging deeper, it’s tougher than it seems. Think Dr.Sid wins post-Mohits era but D’Prince wins before that. So who wins overall? Gonna list their top 10 songs and the stronger one wins.

Dr.Sid: Winchi Winchi, Over The Moon, Pop Something, Something About You, E Je Ka Jo, Baby Tornado, Surulere, Love Mine, Chocolate, Tiwa Savage’s If I Start To Talk

On second thought think Dr. Sid wins this by a mile tbh but D’Prince still my fave. Turning Point is an underrated Afrobeats album, lowkey classic. D’Prince’s (apostrophes again!) album was a hot mess of like 30 songs. It was really a Frenzy But let’s carry on with the comparison so the records show I tried to make an argument for D’Prince

D’Prince: Omoba, Give It To Me, Ooze, I Like What I See, Take Banana,Call Police, Goody Bag, Journey Of a Thousand Miles, OYO, Wizkid’s Wad UpBonus for the Non-D’Prince fans here: Gentleman, Bestie and Man For The Night.

Verdict: Can’t argue with the classics from Dr. Sid in the Mohitz era.

#5: D’Prince, #4:Dr.Sid

PODIUM: Don Jazzy, Wande Coal, D’Banj

Now where it gets harder: Wande Coal, D’Banj, Don Jazzy. How to I rank Don Jazzy who is primarily a beat maker. Ranking their post-Mohitz performance.

Gonna cop out now and put Don Jazzy at number 2 because of his verses on Wind Am Well and Pere. His Mohitz production and production for non-Mohitz artistes like Ashawo, Wind Am Well, Critical, Now Is The Time, IjoyaUnder G solidify his place as Nigeria’s best producer. Giving less weight to his post-Mohitz production because Mavins while individually strong, as a unit, they come nowhere to Mohitz. Secondly, in the fall out of Lil Kesh being robbed of his Next Rated, Olamide revealed he took credit for some beats that weren’t his and thirdly Mavins have a bunch of producers, some other Baby Fresh guys. However the koko is that, as much as Nigerian Producers carry a lot of songs, it’s still an artist’s game so props Don Jazzy gonna get second. His longevity is way better than Wande’s and D’Banj’s so #2 seems Fair.

Now lot at stake here for D’Banj and Wande. One is #1 the other is #3. Tough Call to make. Let’s set some criteria: Solo Projects, Best Mohitz Verses, Post Mohitz performance, Features, Number of Classic Songs

Solo Projects

D’Banj: No Long ThingRundown Funk U Up, The Entertainer, DKM (really a compilation), King Don Come

Wande Coal: Mushin To Mo’Hits, Wanted

Ngl never listened to D’Banj’s first 2 albums as a whole but people them calling them classics must be lying. All the songs on No Long Ting seem to be on Rundown Funk U Up. Rundown however has some extra bangers so that pushes it to the very good album tier. The Entertainer, for me, is his Magnum Opus. DKM is a slept on decent album and King Don Come is another slept on decent album (lols just jammed it now and I’m pleasantly surprised, maybe it’s first listen blues. I have heard half the songs on it before though).Underrated aspect of D’Banj because Nigerians Musicians at the Top generally don’t make good albums. M2M is a certified classic and think it is better than any album D’Banj has put out. Wanted on the other hand was largely disappointing after the wait and way to many songs. 23 ffs. Winner: D’Banj

 

Post Mohitz Performance:

D’Banj has made slept on decent songs, But Wande takes the cake here. Iskaba, Amorawa, Baby Hello, Ashimapeyin etc. Winner: Wande Coal

Features:

D’Banj never really did features like that but don’t think Wande Coal has ever had a bad feature. Let’s list their top 10 features and see who comes out on top

D’Banj: Tony Montana Remix, Fi Mi Le Remix, Let’s Get The Party Started, Wind Am Well, Lagos Party Remix U Bad as well haha, Sister Caro, Give It To Me, Double Wahala Remix

Wande Coal: On A Very Good Day, Winchi Winchi, Wake Up, Antenna Remix, Wish List, Kiss Your Hand Rmx, For Me, My Woman My Everything, Ashawo, Who U Epp, Run Away remix, Need I go on. Winner: Wande Coal

Best Mohitz Verses:

Honestly to late for me to go back and rate these but Wande Coal carried the chorus on damn near every Mohits song lmao but D’Banj never had a bad Mohits verse. Winner: Tie

Classic Songs:

D’Banj: Tongolo, Tongolo Remix, Why Me, Gbono Feli Feli, Fall In Love, Suddenly, Entertainer, Olorun Maje, Endowed, Endowed Remix, Oliver Twist

Wande Coal: U Bad, Bumper to Bumper, Who Born The Maga, Taboo, Ololufe, The Kick, Iskaba, Rotate

Wande has more great mainstream songs but I think D’Banj post Mohits tracks have been underrated heavily. However, if we’re talking classics D’Banj still takes it Winner: D’Banj

So we have a tie overall. Wande Coal more talented, D’Banj has more charisma and is the better performer. My younger fam more likely to know Wande Coal than D’Banj but D’Banj has a harmonica so in summary

#6: K-Switch

#5: D’Prince

#4: Dr.Sid

#3: Wande Coal

#2: Don Jazzy

#1: D’Banj

Did I seriously think I would not finesse a way to make D’Banj and Don Jazzy #1 and #2. End of the day a lot of the music we enjoy today would not be possible without these 2. Should really be Don Jazzy, Wande then D’Banj. but anyone who tells us you don’t have to make sense to be an entertainer and spits the most fire gibberish ever, ushering a new wave of “entertainers”, by that definition of not making sense, deserves to top every list.

 

Year in Review: 2017

Started of not wanting to write an introspective blog post. Was going to do a top albums list but that would honestly be too tough. Think I listened to albums very sparsely this year. Didn’t really take time to take them in. Might do a top 10 for Nigerian projects (SPOILER: Niniola’s This Is Me probably #1) and EP, less to work with so probably easier to make a list. I also wanted to write and article about “TV Show Crossovers”. See Mallory Archer- Lucille Bluth, Jesse Pinkman-Todd Chavez, Vanessa Shameless- Vanessa Gossip Girl, Jason-Negan, etc. But that proved hard to write without assuming everyone watches this show. So lets do a review of my year instead. No more than 5 things from each month will used Google Photos to jog my memory.

January:

  • Made corned beef stew for the first time (made it like 10 times this year)
  • Got 6 daily mixes on Spotify
  • Learned a bit about drones from the Cambridge Consulting Network

February

  • Really made strides in Python / Raspberry Pi for my 4th years project
  • Had my first Valentine and was in a relationship for the first time
  • Participated in the ACS Take Me Out

March

  • Discovered a trap door in College that led to some basement
  • Played my last college basketball game (I came out of retirement later)
  • Was top 5 best dressed at the ACS Affair (Kente bowtie was worth it then I guess)

April

  • Past papers

May

  • In a viral photo
  • 4th year Project Report in full flow
  • Free Jollof from Ije Shop

June

  • House hunting
  • Mayweek, balls, garden parties and festivals
  • Graduation (Distinction/First Class)
  • Graduation dinner
  • Played Golf for the first time

July

  • New York!
  • First full time Job!
  • Papers signed for first apartment!

August

  • Nothing happened in August apparently lmao
  • My birthday, had the best beef ever at Blues Kitchen
  • Long distance woes for real
  • Moved into my house proper

September

  • Nothing happened in September too?
  • Did my first Java programming

October

  • Saw Loyle Carner in a concert
  • Did more Java programming
  • Finished my second book of the year (Rise of The Robots)
  • Started doing Gym lol

November

  • Nunu’s Kitchen
  • Went up to Scotland for a Golf trip
  • Started my first web development project

December

  • Idk , snow?

 

Years not over. Managed to make it look super basic but I had really high highs this year and can’t think of a single low apart from not hitting some of my personal targets. Hope next year is better!

 

Balance:

Well it’s been a while since I posted but a lot has happened since I last posted. I graduated from Cambridge with a first, told my parents about loml, moved into a flat with my bro in London (I’m actually paying bills lol), had a serious quarrel with my mum, went to New York for training and started my new role in my full time job. In short, I began the rest of my life. I could go on for ages about any of these but I’m going talk about balance.

In the now immortal words of MC Quakes, the alter ego of Roadman Shaq who gave us Mans Not Hot, “You need to know the balance… Everything balance… Everywhere you go the balance ” Whatever that means haha. But I do really need to know the balance and I’m struggling to hack it at the moment.

Every human being gets the same number of hours in a day. I still love sleeping and waking up late as possible without being late for work. 24 hours, I would ideally like 8 hours, I’m okay with 7hrs but if pushed I could probably do 6. Let’s stick to 8 hours. So I’ve got 16 hours a day left. I spend 9 hours at work with 1 hour for lunch, that leaves me with 7hrs a day so why does it feel like I never have any time.Okay make it 6 hrs a day to account for time it takes me to get ready for work and settle from work. Still 6 hours seems like plenty of time but I can’t seem to do anything. What exactly do I need to do you may ask.

My job involves sitting at a desk all day so I figure that I need to exercise so I don’t become big boned. Hence I signed up for the gym at work but I’m not sure how to fit that in yet. There is a gym 5 mins from my house but I chose the one at work because exercising at work probably boosts productivity. The fact they give you free gym gear so all you need to bring is trainers and fresh boxers also helps. Might switch to the one at home because it may make more sense from a time management point but we’ll see.

I only specialise in the underrated cooking art form known as microwaving. I’m trying to expand my repertoire now that I’m a big man. Now that I’m living on my own with my bro, we have to cook for ourselves. Only thing I know how to cook in corned beef stew tbh, which is a good start. It sustained me earlier when we moved in. Nothing greater than a mother’s love. Exhibit A: My mother, who was back in Lagos at the time was worried that we weren’t eating well sent order a ton of food for me and my bro because she was (rightly) worried that we wouldn’t eat well. The food has lasted for almost a month but I’m down to the last bowl so I really do need to cook more things than fried plantain, omelettes, white rice and corned beef stew.

Choosing a career where I only use about 0.3% of the content of my degree means I have to learn on the job and outside the job to make any significant impact. My first project was in Python, my current one involves Java and some SQL. All of which I have never used before. So I have to read some books and do some online courses. I completed an ~8hr course on Java and that’s just 30% of the Beginner level. I know the level I want to be at and I am sooo sooo far from it so I do need time outside work to improve my skills.

Entertainment is probably what will have to suffer if I need to find the balance, but it’s one thing that helps you unwind. I don’t want my whole day to be  productivity hack, sometimes just be useless tbh. I enjoy listening to new music, watching TV shows, watching sports and want to get back into reading books and start listening to podcasts. No idea how to fit these into my day as well, not yet anyways. Especially the reading books part.

Maintaining relationships, this is perhaps the most difficult one for me. I used to think I was good at keeping in touch but that’s just a lie lol. Don’t think I ever was. My main method was to hit people up randomly when I saw something they posted on Twitter r Snapchat but I barely have time for even those anymore. I spend most of my time now talking to loml and I enjoy every second but a part of me feels like I’m trading off time with my other friends. There’s surely a way to do both because I’m not the first person to get a job. Another random, I just noticed I’ve mostly been hanging out with work and uni friends and not Secondary school and 6th form people.

Anyways, in summary I thought I had this time management thing on luck in uni but work life has made me second guess it. I haven’t even considered the intersections between all of these like how staying fit may involve eating healthy which may be more time consuming. Or skipping lunch to go gym may mean not hanging out with work friends. Even my Natwest Balance, Bank Account Balance, is affected by all of this as well. Working on finding the optimum

SPOTLIGHT: Visuals

This is the third post about the viral photo that everyone has now forgotten about. I would follow a “Where are they now?” TV show on internet sensation, like Terio.  Thought I would have time to write this earlier but my 50 page project report and living lavish took priority. I wouldn’t have bothered writing this but I took screenshots for the post and they’ve been sitting on my desktop for over a month now, so might as well write this so I can delete the screenshots.

These post just shows comments by internet people.

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The granny is Trump fan and her bio says “MOTHER GRANDMOTHER DOG LOVER, ARTIST_HAPPY BEING JEWISH AND FRUM_WORKING TOWARDS A BETTER PLACE_”. Why does she keep using underscores and_typing_like this

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Loool this is such a  great backhanded compliment it almost makes me forget it’s racist haha. Bio says “Sportsman, adventurer , oil N gas Guru….., eats raw meat ….all round good egg”. Another Trump fan

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Dress more normally??? Lool going to need this guy to show his working to be honest. Doesn’t even have a decent bio, some random Churchill quote. Dead guy

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I dunno, maybe there weren’t just 15 men accepted at Cambridge. Hope this is just sarcasm that has flown over my head

 

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Seems like a stupid question but it’s actually fair point I guess? But it’s like the whole “the best way to stop racism is to stop talking about race” trope. Michelle Obama’s thesis was on something like this I think

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Richgang

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This account actually scares me lmao

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I won’t lie I laughed so hard at this my eyes were watery hahah. Is it racist? I’m not mad at it at all haha. World would be a strange place if racist trolls were funny, thank God most of them are just the deadest guys

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Least Impressed Man Ever. Cryinggg

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Dennis arms got this man shook

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LOOOOL Deaddd because half of us probably used the same barber

 

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Show your working ma. Not sure how she could tell the religion from the pics

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There’s always gonna be that Oxbridge isn’t all that comment. Oh well

 

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Lool this was the funniest thread

 

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Honestly don’t understand what he’s trying to say

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Didn’t even clock this

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Didn’t know about this uno

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When white men gather alone like so so so many occasions in Cambridge

 

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A bit deep man.

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Deeper

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Wonder what a UK HBCU would look like.

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Enter a caption Why you always lying

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Loool this racism to gingers thing again

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Ott reaction perhaps?

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Cryinggg

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Deep convo

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Someone said I look like Sturridge lmfaoo

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Wow, triggered

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Lmao actually laughed at this. Dickhead

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Don’t think anyone in the pic has a white bae #FakeNews

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Me that I’m starving too

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This site is brutal lmaoo

Loads of love was shown though and it outweighed the hate easily.

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Who hurt ya?

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Genuinely the most disturbing site, I’ve ever seen

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Loool disturbing post but man gave me a “nope” why am I pained haha

 

The good outweighed the bad by farrr though. Made me realise that on the other side of the screen on the internet is a real person with real feelings. Still feel blessed to have been involved

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This pic made me shed some thug tears

SPOTLIGHT: BTS & Lessons Learnt

Since I was off twitter while this was going on, I wasn’t really sure how the message was being received. Think it’s a bit of  a blessing though because I’ve never really known how to handle attention and if I was on twitter I may have cracked some jokes just to deflect the attention from me but it meant I probably wouldn’t be staying on message. Anyways a few thoughts on the whole thing.

Where are the girls? Almost everyone has asked this question. Even my mum told me it wasn’t fair that we didn’t include girls.The answer to this actually simple, it was based of the Yale photo which was also all men. But I read other people trying to justify it and whatnot so I had a few questions. I’ll be honest here and say when people commented about “where are the girls” I sometimes read it as people (read white people)  trying to detract from the message when they couldn’t care less about diversity  but I do understand there is  legitimate problem of black women always being underrepresented and their problems being treated as secondary to white women and black men. . Male privilege does exist but the numbers are worse for black men than for black women. In such a case is it okay to promote only black men despite the privilege we already have over black women? Also doesn’t this question lead to whataboutism, what about black LGBTQ+, what about disabled people, what about mixed race people, what about other underrepresented minorities what about that. Is it really wrong for the focus to be only on black men? I guess this is a lesson for me in inclusivity. The fact I only found out about the photo shoot hours before and I was in the middle of exams is probably an excuse but in those hours, it didn’t once cross my mind that we should include black women. I guess I’ve learnt to keep an eye out being more inclusive in general. Sidenote: would the photos have been as viral if it had women as well? I honestly don’t have a clue, who knows why things go viral.

Salt from within. Some black students/ ex students didn’t seem to be too happy about the virality of the shoot. There were guys who never do ACS stuff, that were like “must have missed the memo”. To those people, gerrarahere my friend. There were those guys who do ACS stuff  who weren’t in it that supported it, to those guys, respect man. Not going to lie. I would have been pained if I wasn’t asked to be in it and it when viral. Would have been like that time H.D. bought JA shirts for a couple of people in our set and Akra and I didn’t get one. It pained me. There were people who come for ACS events and weren’t invited. I understand the sentiment. Would the post have hit home if all 60 (or however many of us there are) were in it? Again I have no idea but if I had to guess I would say no. All the logistics of handling 14 people and picking a time that work was already tedious (s/o to Ore again). Others didn’t support early on probably because we didn’t support them in their own similar endeavours, which again I think is understandable. No hard feelings with anyone in this paragraph, I’m not going to hate on anyone for not sharing anything on their personal pages for whatever reason. I, for one, am not comfortable promoting anything on social media apart from on Twitter and Snapchat .

The more insidious (not sure what this word means) group came from the “student activists”. Some criticisms felt way too personal so I’ll bare it in mind for future interactions. One of their criticisms was that black women are behind most liberation movements but never seem to get an of the credit. I get that valid criticism, but firstly it was a black lady (want to say black girl but that seems to young, and woman seems to old. At what age do you move from girl to lady to woman?) that organised it. They kept talking about women doing emotional labour for men, but in this case the women who organised it did not mind and did not share their sentiment. Taking panadol for another person’s headache. Secondly, the people involved that did interviews did point out the work being done by the black women in Cambridge so I don’t get it. Their second criticism was that we don’t write articles, lead protests, write petitions. My response to that is that not everyone is gifted enough to do that, not everyone has the time to do that, not everyone can do that and I think it would be a problem if everyone tried to do that (too much of anything is bad, diminishing returns etc). Secondly, that isn’t the only way to “make an impact”. I’ll happily speak to a group of kids if I’m asked, I’ve volunteered to help people with applications, internships,etc and many of the guys involved do similar things but we don’t shout about it. One of critics said [paraphrased] she would bend if any of us ran for CUSU Access Officer. Now I know the current access officer and I think she is a great person and is doing a great job but like why do we have to run for any post to prove anything.

Sometimes, the general sentiment felt like they were salty about the exposure we received and they probably won’t have been salty at all if the post didn’t get the exposure that it got. It felt like they were saying, do this activism thing but just don’t get more exposure than us. Someone accused us of doing the bare minimum. That is true but can’t hate us for being more efficient. What do you want us to do? Do things that require more effort and produce less results? The other criticism was that we don’t do enough, which is maybe true for some of us involved, but in my opinion your criticism of someone that doesn’t do enough should not come when the person is trying to do said thing. Like my mom saying, I never clean your room while I’m cleaning my room. Not saying some of this criticism isn’t valid but a lot of it felt personal, the timing and public nature of it also irked in all honesty. The student activism in Cambridge gets a bit too much for me sometimes, I won’t lie. Some people are very lovely tbh but some come across as very militant. I mean this to the point that one of them was literally standing next to me on a night out while I was talking to a mutual friend I did not even try to introduce myself before she calls me out for whatever offense I didn’t know I was committing. More on this at some other time. My theory is that is any of these people in this “group” planned to do this, not many people would have turned up because a lot of people are scared of walking on egg shells around them and their message would probably have been a lot more different.

Interviews. I didn’t do any interviews for two reasons. First, I had exams and my brain needs to be tuned in to a particular frequency during exams. Any interview I would have done would have been lacklustre and I could potentially have been caught out by random questions. Also it takes time for me to come up with my inspiring bars. The second reason was that I’m an international student so I wouldn’t have counted in the stats being touted around. More importantly, my experiences are vastly different from Black British students and I think it’s easy for people to forget that. I didn’t think I had the right to go in the media and tell people to apply to Cambridge. From what I’ve heard some black students do not have any support systems. Nobody telling them, they can make it at Cambridge etc. All my life, my parents, family, friends and teachers have always believed in me which rubbed off on me. It’s why I applied to MIT and other Ivies at 15 and hoped to get in (I didn’t). As soon as my mom told me I was schooling in the UK, I knew I was applying to Cambridge and Imperial, it wasn’t even a question for me. I know nothing about going into life in the streets, knife crime, etc. My parents can afford international fees (God bless them) and I’m not sure I understand the whole race-class-socioeconomic dynamics here well enough to speak on it.

To be continued…

Warriors just came back from 25 points down against Spurs wow. Started writing this at half time and I’m mad I missed the comeback lmao.