OTR2

Just thought I should write a little blurb on my OTR2 experience. So I ended up paying £175 x 2. For seated tickets at the Olympic Stadium. It took ages to get into the venue and get seated. Even though gates opened at 5 pm supposedly, probably didn’t get seated till like 7:30 and the show didn’t start till about 8:15. No opening acts at all, which was very disappointing.

First of all I was not hyped at all for this concert. I bought tickets expecting new music was going to be released, thought I’d be able to find someone else to go with me lool but I knew soooo many people selling tickets. They sold out but only because people and bots always trawl sites to sell tickets for money. But generally think London didn’t have the appetite for Jay and Bey with no new music. I eventually took an L on the ticket selling it for £50 to a good female friend of mine.

Funny story but some guy and his date bought tickets from a website called Seatwave which had the same seat numbers as us. We came up with a theory as to how they managed to get in. So someone probably got his ticket mailed to him and copied the barcode unto multiple tickets and resold those multiple tickets. Take it one step further, he trawls websites to see people that are trying to sell their tickets on sites like viagogo as it’s more likely that they may actually not turn up to the concert and the people with the fake copies can take their seats instead without hassle. Scammers are really putting in work overtime.

The setlist I remember was something like

“Holy Grail”, “03′ Bonnie & Clyde”, “Drunk in Love”, “Clique”,”On to the Next One”, “Diva”, “FuckWithMeYouKnowIGotIt”, “Flawless”, “Feeling Myself”, “Big Pippin'”, “Run This Town”, “Baby Boy”, “Hold Up” , “Countdown”, “Sorry” , “Me, Myself & I”, “99 Problems”, “Ring the Alarm”, “Don’t Hurt Yourself”, “4:44”, “Song Cry”, “Resentment”, “Family Feud”, “Upgrade U”, “Niggas In Paris”, “Beach is Better”, “Formation”, “Run the World (Girls)”, “Public Service Announcement”, “The Story of O.J.”, “Dèjá Vu”, “Show Me What You Got”, “Crazy in Love”, “Freedom”, “U Don’t Know”, “Young Forever”, “Shining”

So obviously they performed all the songs I would have liked them to perform apart from “Single Ladies” and “H to the Izzo”. Niggas In Paris was definitely the highlight, such a crowd mover. Resentment was good too. She did all the Beychellla stuff too but that felt old to me lol perhaps because I’d already seen Beychella. I got more hype for the Jay songs tbh which is surprising because I probably know more Bey tunes. The background visuals were sicker during his sets like 99 problems, Story of OJ etc. But it was such a fail when he tried to get the crowd pumped to Beach Is Better haha.  Would have preferred more BEYONCÉ than Lemonade to be honest. I also was still salty they pulled their new stuff from Spotify as I won’t listen to stuff not on there or Soundcloud. Upgrade U was a big highlight for me because we thought they’d exhausted all their duets and were like ohhh shitt when it came on. “U Don’t Know” is a great Jay Song but shouldn’t have ended with it. Beyonce doing that spanish jam “Mi Gente” was probably my highlight form her tbh.

It was good fun, especially going with a friend! Lol also ran into a super senior person from work who I did community teamwork with the previous day.  But this was my first stadium concert and in all honesty I was a bit disappointed overall. Definitely not worth 170 quid. Maybe would have been gassed if it was like £80 tbh. Rip-off. I can say that I won’t be spending that much on any concert again unless it’s Drake or Kanye (sorry not sorry). Also I don’t think seated tickets are for me and will not be doing that again if I can avoid it.

 

UPDATE: THEY JUST RELEASED AN ALBUM THE DAY AFTER. FUMING

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Stories that Touch

Ten Ten

At the New Afrika Shrine, I called a waiter walking past with a massive tray of Asun

Me: “bros, how much” to which he replied

Him: “na 50 naira”

Me: “Oya bring 3”

Him: “Make I make am spicy”

Me: “Make only one spicy, the rest normal”

After a while he returns with the spicy one

Me: “What of the other ones”

Him: “I dey bring am”

Me: “Abi na 50 naira shey?”

Him: Yes

He serves the other one and I hand him a 200 Naira note

Me: “Keep the change bros”

Him: “Oga, na 1500 oh”

Me: “No be you say na 50 naira”

Him: “That one na piece by piece”

Me: “So if I open am count it, na 10 I go find?”

Him: “Nah ten ten, them dey count it”

So I shamelessly counted the pieces and sure enough there were 10 so I begrudgingly paid him.

Guy at Church

Testimony time at church. This energetic old man, gave the funniest testimony at church that had the whole church cracking up. He said last month, he knelt at the altar with shoe with open mouth and begged God to give him new shoes and next wee somebody visited him and gave him new shoes. He did shako and denge pose from the front of the congregation, showing off his new shoes.

When the time came for dancing, he was the most energetic guy. He bust out a dance move where he threw up his handkerchief and caught it with his head. Energetic guy. After service, he came to tell my pops happy bitrhday so I greeted him, then he spoke to my bro and I asking about what life in England was life. He said his son is doing his Master’s abroad but never calls him, only texts him.

“Only text text, is that how they used to do over there, his name is [redacted], my name is [redacted], do we not share the last name, I don’t know what I’ve done to this boy. Please maybe if you have time, you can connect with him on Facebook and tell him to please call his dad”

Sure enough we checked his name on FB and nothing came up that we could work with.

Shy

Last week I paid a visit to my primary school primarily to see the proprietress. Ended up seeing The Proprietress, The Head Teacher, My Nursery 2 teacher and my Maths teacher. Still remember my Nursery 2 teacher teaching me to count and add with some sticks. Think she taught me multiplication as well but she looked so indifferent when I told her who I was ouch. The Head Teacher and Proprietress recognised me as soon as I told them who I was. They could not believe it.

As for my Maths teacher, my mum calls her the one that led the Loyola coup for good reason haha. She was the one that convinced me that Loyola was the best in the country and I should apply there. She stared at me as soon as I walked in, I knew she was trying to piece it together so I just told her and she started reminiscing on how shy I was. She said she would ask questions in class, and she knew I would know the answers but wouldn’t say anything because I was shy. She asked if I was still shy (lowkey yes). Then she asked where I went to uni and she asked if I got a first and she said “of course now, I expect nothing less from you”. I was blushing like a mumu.

Drive Slow

One my last day in Lag, I gave my driver some money as he told me he was going to bury his sister. He thanked me profusely and told me that life is not a rush, that it’s turn by turn. Told me about how he used to do music and was thinking selling cds in Alaba , and a Lorry crashed into a junction and killed everyone apart from him but he was hospitalised for 4 years. He said Oritse Femi and AfricanChina stole his music while he was passed out.

Told me he likes to be independent from his family so even when he was recovering, he didn’t want to burden them. He said that when he became a driver, people asked him how he can take such a job if he could ask his family for help. But he said if you want to be like someone you having experience working with that person helps. Very happy and friendly guy.

Lagos in June

Came back home to Lagos after about 2 years, and for the first time ever I felt more like a guest rather than I was at home. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m paying rent in London or the fact this wasn’t a school holiday. Frankly, I think it was the fact that my cousin who hadn’t been there in 13 years arrived right after me and she was eager to explore so I ended up doing all sort of touristy stuff with her.

My mum says my favourite question whenever I returned from boarding school used to be “Has anything changed in the house?” Well a lot changed since I was here last. Some were welcome changes like our street road has finally been tarred and now NEPA shows so much love that I could even stay up till like 3:30 am watching the NBA (Stephhh). Throw in the solar panels and I barely noticed when there wasn’t light. Also don’t think Uber/Taxify had matured as much the last time I was here. Pedestrian bridges and better roads also help. However the more things change, the more they remain the same. Lagos traffic still the baddest b in town, customer service still fairly poor in general. Slow internet meant that when I tried to upload a video to Dropbox, it was so slow that it was faster to put it on a flash drive then drive to deliver it to the person (too late to think of a Flash, Drive pun sorry).

First day out, I took my cousin to ICM to get a Smile dongle so she could snapchat lool jk. She also had a look at the mall. Then we went to Bogobiri to meet up with my friend which looked fairly cool but we went at lunchtime which is apparently the deadest time to go there (Thursday nights are when you want to be there apparently). Then we went to Lekki Conservation Centre, which was nice. Longest canopy walk in Africa but I recall the one in Kakum National Park, Ghana as being higher. Ended the day at Palms and came to the sudden realisation that malls in Lagos are actually dead. In fact malls in general tend to be very dry if you’re not eating, movie-watching or shopping.

As this was the first holiday at home that essentially everyone I know in Lagos was working, it was fortunate I visited the week of Democracy Day so I managed to see people on the second day. We talked about a lot. I had previously had doubts about life in Nigeria when someone asked me if I could buy something online for them but NEPA and  freedom of movement due to Taxify had washed me to tell my self  I could see myself moving back sooner than I thought. They really slapped all that fantastical thinking out of my head smh assholes. Still need to find a way to move back where I can eat my cake and have it. Next day, my cuz went to do her hair while I napped all day then went to get my bro from the airport.

Day 4: My cousin wanted to buy some souvenirs from a market so I googled the best place for that and the answer was Lekki Market. Google said it had arts and crafts stands, with creative stalls so I typed it into Google Maps but so called Lekki Market it took us to was like any other ordinary market. All we saw was 20 tailors per road and a dog doing press ups as we hopscotched our way through the pothole ponds. Safe to say my cousin felt so out of place, but at least she got a different experience. To make up for it, I took her to Nike Art Gallery afterwards which she enjoyed.

Afterwards we went to the New Afrika Shrine because Femi Kuti apparently plays there for free every Thursday night. Surprised my mum let us go there on our own (we grown now) because honestly that was probably the most terrified I have ever been walking down a street. Large clusters of people near the entrance street aggressively trying to sell you SK amongst other things. Got in and it was actually chilled vibes only problem was that Femi Kuti was not performing that night. In fact, he was ironically in London on a European tour. There wasn’t much to do there but listen to the Fela songs playing through the speakers but after a bit I wanted to go to somewhere calmer so we went to Rhapsody’s in ICM which was actually nice, great DJ mix in the background and got busier as the night went on. Also, I’m sure cocktails in Nigeria are superstrong because the stress levels are superhigh.

On the last day, we met up with my cousins I hadn’t seen in probably like 15 years. They were the first ones I played Winning Eleven with back in the day. We got suya from University of Suya, we went to The House in VI, which I think is a great concept but it wasn’t busy at all and Scotch Egg was 2600 Naira, so we definitely weren’t eating there so we went to Sidewalk, had food and drinks for reasonable prices with great music. Strange how despite the fact I felt like a guest as well, my cousin and bro trusted me to be the streetwise one and the planner. One guy tried to sell Gala to my bro for 100 Naira so I stepped in lol lol lol. Unfortunately couldn’t to a beach or boat trip because weather forecast said rain and you don’t want to be on the beach or a boat if Lagos Rain wants to deal with you.

Owambe day was good fun. This was perhaps the first Owambe I had attended for my immediate family. Last one was my mums 40th but I was still a toddler so obviously nobody could send me around (good times). Had about 600 guests, I had to keep greeting people I knew, people I didn’t know, and people that possibly gatecrashed. Funnily, onetime I ended up prostrating to my younger cousin who I had not seen in 10 years but my defence she looked supergrown. As son of the celebrant, I was easy to spot in my attire so aunties, uncles and random namelesses would send me on errands. Is it an Owambe if people do not fight over souvenirs. Trays, biros, notebooks, cups and honestly still cannot see why people want them soooo desperately. I mean if the gift bags have iPhones I would understand haha. After most of the grown folks left, all the youngins rocked off to the live band fuelled by Henny, Champagne and a few cocktails. Counted the money my dad made from his Owambe from the spraying and actual cash and cheque gifts and I am curious to compare that with the cost. Because it might be a business plan o

Overall it has been a great holiday. I’ve been afforded freedom by my parents I never really had before. Maybe because I’m working now or because I was with my older cousins. I’ll see if it’s the same next time. Great hearing people making moves back home as well as the frustrations. One of my guys told me he started smoking in Lagos after he moved back, others told me about encounters with Police, cars being broken into, the Lagos dating scene. I still want to move back regardless but if this trip taught me anything it’s that I shouldn’t be a stranger and I’m going to make sure I visit every year from now on.

A Tale of Six Taxifies

Taxify was my best friend on my last trip to Lagos. Because my Mum and Dad and their drivers were busy preparing for by dad’s birthday. I opted to use Taxify over Uber because I had seen more people talk about it on twitter. My experience with it was funny to say the least so let’s go through a few tales

  1. First: This was my first Taxify ride. My guy accepted the request then called me and asked him to meet him at a place Google Maps said was a 30 minute walk away. LOL? I told him he better come to my gate because I am not walking anywhere. Ended up taking 15 minutes to arrive
  2. Vampire: This guy accepted the request then when we got in and told him we were  going back to mainland. He said “Bros, no vex abeg, I no dey go mainland for night because this my car na Vampire, I no want it to pack up”
  3. 5-Star: This guy was legit the best. Overheard my cousin asking me about a power bank and offered to charge the phone for her. My cousin also mentioned she expected more places to be playing Nigerian music, so he turned on the radio and put it on a station doing afrobeats
  4. Awakener: My guy woke me up while I was crashing because he didn’t know the directions. Is there no sat nav or what?
  5. Wild: This guy first of all asked me for directions how to get to my place to pick me up. Then he got there and spent 10 mins complaining about service in my area. My friend move joh. You need a sticker to leave the estate and despite the fact I told him that, he still said he would try despite the fact he didn’t in fact have a sticker. The guy at the gate started washing me and said I was looking fresh then he let yus through. The driver started telling me that he wants to be fresh like me. Then he started talking on the phone while driving (using earphones though) then he said “I dey with one finest freshest passenger, if I be woman sef”. Next thing he said the woman he was talking to wanted my number LOL. Next thing we got close to the destination and he said the place is bubbling at night then he said “the way I dey look at you I know say you no like woman like that, you no dey follow them”. LMAO, was out words.
  6. Flycatcher: This guy looked very professional, said he had a fleet of cars he drove etc, was hoping it would be a smooth journey. And it was till he smacked my leg trying to kill a fly. 1. It was lowkey painful 2. What it stained my shorts. The audacity. He missed though so all was well.

South West/20 Black

Just came back from my first proper holiday since I started work. Been almost 9 months and I can say it was very much needed. Also thoroughly enjoyed it. Don’t know how travel blogs work but I’ll just mention (some of) what we got to and where we stayed. Ecetera

Quick Summary

  • Never considered myself the outdoorsy type or person before this trip but it might have changed my mind.
  • Out of 10 days, I only had to plan one day, the Grand Canyon leg of the trip and it was stressful for me. I still suck at planning trips but think I delivered, see below for details.
  • Grand Canyon has such a fitting name. Words and pictures can’t described how grand it is
  • Zion National Park is by far the most beautiful place I’ve ever been so far. Thunderstorms ruined the plans a bit. Want to return for The Narrows
  • Google pics sometimes catfish real location (see Horse Shoe Bend)
  • Lol jk, if you’re looking for views, timing is very important tbh (E.g. Antelope Canyon). Also Vivid Filter on iPhone.
  • Vegas has a ridiculous number of gigantic hotels. Feels bigger than New York
  • Cirque Du Soleil MJ Show was lit. Wish they let you record.
  • It’s amazing the sheer number of artistes there are performing every night in Vegas, so much choice.
  • Don’t gamble kids, the house always wins.

Story Of The Trip

Can’t type the funniest trip out because reasons. But here is one I can tell.

So after Tiesto, we were going back and some of us stopped at a casino to play Roulette while I just watched. From the sidelines, I told them I could predict numbers and quite rightly so they ignored me.  I kept saying it. On their very last bet, I told them with the utmost confidence to place a bet on 20 black and some stranger listened to me and place a $50 chip. Dealer spun the wheel and rolled the ball and where did it land? 20 Black. I was spot on an dude made what 35x back and cashed out immediately. He gave me that $50 chip and hugged me for me efforts. My friends who didn’t listen to me meanwhile lost all their money for the night. I rubbed it in a bit and they left me hahaha, that was the first time I got lost (also realised how much of a privilege it was for me to walk around semi drunk at like 5am with no fear of anything happening to me).

Image result for Roulette shot spinner

Deadly Game. Source: Amazon

Anyways next day we got a roulette shot spinner and while we were testing it, a friend asked me to predict it and I got it wrong but where did it land? 20 Black. Coincidence? Wait for it. Testing it more, it landed on ,yup you guessed it, 20 Black like 20 times. There was obviously something wrong with it, it clearly wasn’t straight. Coincidence surely? Nahh. That evening a friend made lots betting on 20 Black as well. That last night, we all passed on seeing Diplo to go to the casino. 20 black finished us that night, now way we were not putting something on 20 Black so we basically lost big that night because of 20 Black. In the end Vegas always win, and you or your wallet lose. Would definitely go back still though.

PS: As I type this the full cost of the holiday has not been calculated and sent to me so all this sentiment might go away when I see it. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, amirite?

Only read this if you really care because I can’t summarise and it’s super long. Or just look at the pictures

Las Vegas

We stayed at The Wynn/Encore for the first two days. On the first night there we went out to Encore Beach Club. We thought Diplo would be performing but it was actually Duke Dumont, he was actually alright. Now this I think this was probably my favourite venue but least favourite night. It was raining and it’s like the people there that night knew my money was not their mates. I hide my face. The night ended with a promoter trying to get me to a strip club called Sapphire, I just wanted some Tacos at that point. Think Encore still has my favourite casino.

We had dinner at Allegro, which was alright. Portions deceptively large. Second day we went to The Buffet at Encore, which was a super colourful place with lots of fake flowers. Great value for money though. The next night we went on a tour of the Vegas strip, which is an essential. We saw a waterfall show at the Wynn, Palazzo, the Venetian and fake Venice up until Flamingo (which actually has Flamingos in it!) , the Mirage volcano explosion show. Caught a brief glimpse of the Belaggio water show before we had to go back in preparation for the road trip.

Road Trip:

We had 2 drivers and 2 passengers for our 4 day 3 night hiking trip. We rented a 2017 Jeep Grand Cherokee SUV from Alamo and set off around 8:30am on our 5 hour trip to the Grand Canyon South Rim, stopping once for a change of drivers.

Hoover Dam:

Disappointing tbh *Insert Killmonger “Is this your da” meme*

Grand Canyon South Rim

View from the Desert Tower

We got there around 2:30 and checked in at the Yavapai Lodge, which was the best value for money and the least grand place to stay in the Grand Canyon Village. Also it was the only place available when we booked it. We did a bit of the Rim Trail in the afternoon when we got there, this is probably the easiest trail, superflat but you don’t get to go down the rim. Took a bus to the Train Depot stop and walked all the way to Hopi Point to watch the sunset, stopping at El Tovar Hotel, Hopi House, Kolb Studio, walked a bit down Bright Angel Trailhead. Shame we didn’t get to reach Pima Point, because that is apparently lovely as well but it’s impossible to do it all really. For Dinner, we had a super late one at best diner in the village, El Tovar hotel. It was actually pitch black navigating though.

Next morning we had breakfast at Yavapai Lodge, checked out and dumped our stuff in the car then took a bus to the South Kaibab trailhead and walked down to the ooh Aah Point, Cedar Ridge and the Skeleton Point. The lazy man in me is saying the extra 3 miles Skeleton Point added to the journey was not worth it because that uphill hike back was a deadly one. I do think I preferred the view from Cedar Ridge tbh but happy we went all the way. Going up takes more than twice the time to down. Glad we all made it back in one piece. After that we, went to the Maher Point near the visitor center, which also a nice easy one to see if you’re short of time. Then as we drove of to our next destination, around 3pm? We stopped at the Grandview Point and the Desert View watchtower. Think any of the view points along the Desert View drive is essential viewing tbh. Overall think we hit most of the boxes apart from Yavapai Point, Hermits trailhead and Tusayan Museum and Ruins. I believe we squeezed in as much as we could into 24 hours given time and physical constraints thought tough choices had to be made. Decided against the helicopter ride because no be Pounds and Dollars me and my guys dey take shower o.

Page

But did you clock the seahorse in the sky (S/o to the tour guide for showing me the finesse)

Arrived at the Horse Shoe Bend at Page for around 6:30. I would be lying if I said every picture of this on the internet was not a catfish. However it was still a lovely view.  At night we stayed at Best Western Plus Hotel. We debated whether to pay for a tour of the Antelope Canyons. After finding out it was illegal to go there without a guide we decided to bite the bullet. At night, we decided to check out the nightlife and we the down was dead apart from the local club Windy Mesa (read sarcastically), a Pizza Hut and the Bowling Place. We played Bowling and that was actually sick. I won without getting any strikes. Next morning we set off to the Lower Antelope Canyon for out tours by the Lower Antelope Canyon Tours. Great guys! Apparently it’s better in the Upper Antelope Canyon and peak time for beauty is around 10am but missed out on both because we were so impromptu. However, this was super super lovely place. Walking through it was incredible, the tour guide was super nice and friendly, even helped take some fire photos(Hint: set your iPhone Camera to the Vivid filter and see the magic happen). At this point we were meant to head to Zion but Thunderstorms meant we decided to explore more in Page so we headed to Glen Canyon and the Lake Powell Dam. Which was  a great stop, not at grand as the Grand Canyon but this Dam definitely wins against the Hoover imo.

 

Zion

Thought Lauryn Hill was singing about her son when she said the joy of her world is in Zion but she must have been singing about this park tbh

We drove through a lot of the park on our way in stopping to take pictures at certain points. Honestly, this is the most beautiful place I have ever seen with my bare eyes. Hands down the prettiest place on the whole trip. And this was just driving through and stopping. Still mad about the Thunderstorm messing the whole thing up. We stayed at Best Western Plus Hotel. The hotels here were fantastically designed with the themes matching the mountains and having a lovely views as well. The next morning we had breakfast then set out to do a quick tour to beat the rain. We decided on the Emerald Pool Trail which was amazing but such a basic hike in terms of energy compared to the one we did in Grand Canyon. We took the bus round and if not for time we would have done the Weeping Rock, Angels Landing and the Narrows. We went there only for the Narrows tbh but it was legit so much more than that. Amazing scenes. We had to be back in Vegas for the Airbnb we booked though + rain so we had to jet off in a jiffy

Las Vegas

This time we stayed at the MGM, and the rest of the contingent, about 5 more people came. We did Vegas Vegas this time. This time around, the Vegas experience felt like the movies. Adult playground in Downtown Vegas was sick, Downtown Vegas in general was amazing, like 5 outdoor concerts were happening. Dunebuggy racing was incredible and I did that without my glasses or License, was sorta like Mad Max, Tiesto at Hakassan was probs my fave night, the people here were my mates haha. Still don’t know a Tiesto song though. Buffet at The Wicked Spoon, Driving range at Top Golf, Pool parties, David Guetta at XS was sick since I actually knew some of his song: Memories, Titanium, Like I Do, Sexy Bitch, Who’s That Chick etc but these EDM DJs are still a living sha. Man didn’t even rock headphones. For all I know that could have been a random ginger dude on stage and I would not have known. Travis Scott at Marquee was sooo sick, he brought out French Montana, this would have been my fave night of the trip if not for that my wallet got goosebumps everytime I remember how much we paid to get a table (never have and still don’t get tables tbh). Did the Michael Jackson Cirque Du Soleil thing which was sickk. I get why they don’t let people take pictures or vids but I wish they did because I remember the first Cirque Du Soleil I went for being sick but can barely remember a single thing they did. Did a proper tour of the strip (I did this walk about 4 times because I got lost on two nights). All the way from MGM to Encore this time around. Caesar’s Palace is like my fave tbh.

Barber Shop Chronicles

Movies, TV Shows, Cartoons and Social Media have always talked about the barber shop as if it were some sacred place where the best debates where had. Especially for people of color. The bond between a guy and his barber is meant to be inseparable. The countless number of tweets about cheating on your barber. However, I couldn’t really relate with that, ever since like I started boarding school. Actually, I lied. Let’s take a step back.

Image result for ronaldo haircut 2002

How your barber looks at you when he knows you cheated on him 

 

Growing up, my dad always used to take me to a barber. I remember when he gave me the Ronaldo haircut, 2002 was a wild year (see featured image). But think there was definitely some family like atmosphere there. I would watch pros play Checkers or Draughts and sometimes they would even let me and my bro play while we were waiting to get a haircut. There were random WWE fights on at times, also some movies and even cartoons! Probably lasted about 4 years or so but the guy packed up his stuff one day, and ever saw dude again.

Then we went to a different guy, there were no checkers here but there was still a picture of Ludacris (not sure he knows how much of an icon he is, especially in Nigerian barber shops). Anyways, after a while, my dad started paying barbers to come to our place to cut our hair. Don’t know when we got our current guy but let’s just say I think he was the same person that shave like half my eyebrows and sed a clipper on my eyelashes lol. I asked him for a fade one time and he heard TuFace, don’t have to tell you how that ended. Think he’s okay with the very simple stuff but I have developed a one chance per hairstyle policy so I won’t try any new hairstyles with him. He does mad shape-ups (friction was what we used to call it back in the day, my bro went to an “international” school and I remember laughing at him for calling it shape up but now that’s what I call it too.

Think in secondary school, we tried to run away from barber shops but I remember seniors used to have sweet gist there sometimes haha. And had some real convos with the boys in the barbershop (every convo was real af back then). I probably visited the barbers like 5 times in 4 years after graduation, and really had no particular hairstyle. When I stayed at my aunt’s there were some Caribbean barbers that were rude to my momsie once but they were by far the best barbers in the area (apart from the place that some Prem players use but that one needs appointments). I tried everywhere and resented whenever I had to use them. I was happy when they closed down. At uni, I stuck with the same barber shop throughout and still never got any of that camaraderie I see in the movies.

Anyways fast forward to today and why I’m even writing this. Since I moved into our place, I found a new local barbershop and I alternated with the 2 barbers the first two times then stuck with one barber like the next 5 times. Out of coincidence, more than anything or it could be the fact I naturally levitated to the barber that was not bald. Seen the guy in Oxford Street once and he hollered at me. There’s TV with Nollywood, football and discussions flow more than any other one I’d been at

The last two times I came, I went to the bald guy because I was in a hurry and I paid it no mind. So last night, in preparation for Vegas, I went to get a haircut and my usual guy was there. Then next thing he switched up and asked me why I’m always coming late.  I don’t understand, like. He didn’t put an any indication that he was closing soon. Okay one time, I was super late and he still agreed to cut it for me, owe him one for that. Next thing he starts saying he could have asked me to leave but he didn’t want to be somehow. I honestly didn’t even get it. If you’re closed tell me and I’ll try again another time. I didn’t understand why he was unusually passive aggressive tonight.

Then he drops it. “It’s not good to be letting different barbers cut your hair”, he says. I am taken aback, I actually re count all my haircuts and I tell him all my haircuts since I moved have been at this barbershop. That’s when he let’s me in on the game, he thought I was his guy and he didn’t like when I went to the other guy even though they’re in the same shop. He said the other barber knew I was his guy but is always trying to poach his customers. The penny drops for me there, I’d finally made it. Finally had a bond with the barber. I was still upset by what he said earlier but at least now I understood why, he felt there was betrayal of trust lmao. Funny thing is I always preferred him but didn’t even know I had a choice as to which barber I wanted to use since I usually go to whoever is free.

Doesn’t matter, your boy is set now. Unlocked another level in life: Barber bond. Let’s see if it can survive another betrayal

 

Indennità

The new sheriff in town in my division had taken a survey way before we started, and on the first day of training, one of the first emails I received was the top findings from that survey. Casual dress, curved monitors and competitive rates. Casual dress code came first, I was a big fan of this because I hadn’t bought new work clothes like I had planned to. Next came the curved monitors and honestly I can’t remember what life was like before getting them. Who would have known something so seemingly trivial could be so important. Loved the monitors so much, I wanted to get one for my house till I saw the price, still triggered.

The next was competitive rates, the smoke to the fire started to come when the new summer intake were sent their offers. The subject of many-a-gists was whether everyone else would see a similar rise. I still don’t know whether everyone got a jump as stark as ours. Different things from different people from different grapevines. Today was the D-Day

I got called into the room by my manager’s manager and he started by telling me the bonus. Honestly, my pokerface was so strong because I was so startled by the amount. I was not expecting that at all at all. Like I’m still in shock. Next he told me what my new annual salary would be. That would have floored me if not for the fact I was sat down. Business must have been boomin’ this year. If I only cared about money, I would say I’m half as big as I once was 😉

Anyways, I am still shocked. S/o to my Oga at the top. The taxman has not come to take his pound of flesh though. Just thought I’d write down how I feel now while it’s still fresh. The challenge now is to maintain my current level of spending. I say as I throw away my cold left over white rice and stew and plantain(tbh I forgot to put it in the fridge) and instead eat a celebratory Domino’s.

This the biggest day of my life
We got big guns, been graduated from knives
It’s the day in the life and I’m ready to ride
Got the spirit, I’m feelin like a killer inside
Financial outbreak, I’m free but I ain’t out yet
Ridin with the plug so I’m close to the outlet
At the red light, rims sittin off set
I look better on your girl than her outfit

-2 Chainz

UPDATE: Called my parents to tell them the news and my Mum mentioned Tithe lmao and my dad jokingly called her a “spoiled sport” haha. They’ve been trying to get me to do it since I started